Mahaya: How Authentic Connection Heals Trauma, Anxiety & Emotional Pain

Mahaya is an experienced healer specializing in transformational modalities such as yoga, body work, breath work, and the unique relational practice known as "circling." Based on Vancouver Island, Canada, Mahaya's journey in the healing arts began in her twenties as she sought relief from a personal life of suffering. For more than two decades, Mahaya has embraced a wide range of disciplines, including spiritual community living and exploration of psychedelics for therapeutic purposes. Now, she creates spaces of intimacy and connection to aid others on their self-discovery paths.

Visit Mahaya here: https://www.mahayahealingarts.com/

Key Takeaways:

• Mahaya's journey highlights an evolution from personal suffering to becoming a healer through exploration of various modalities such as yoga and breath work.
• The practice of circling emphasizes authentic relating, creating a safe space for individuals to understand how they connect with others.
• The pandemic brought Mahaya face-to-face with authentic relating online, catalyzing her growth and reducing her social anxiety.
• Mahaya's work now integrates presence and mindfulness into everyday life, transforming professional interactions into an extension of her mindfulness practice.
• Her story is a powerful testament to the potential for healing and transformation when individuals are open to exploring diverse methodologies.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Healing Journeys and Community Life on Vancouver Island
• 4:13 Finding Healing and Self-Discovery Through Yoga and Spirituality
• 15:07 Journey of Healing Through Yoga, Breath Work, and Ayahuasca
• 19:19 Transformative Power of Circling in Overcoming Social Anxiety
• 31:18 Overcoming Social Anxiety Through Relational Meditation Practices
• 36:21 Exploring Intimacy, Higher Self, and Personal Growth
• 44:40 Integrating Daily Practices Into Work and Life
• 49:44 Journey to Aligning Passion with Profession and Embracing Change
• 57:03 Navigating Meditation Insights and Distinguishing Fear from Truth
• 1:00:48 A Nourishing Conversation on Honesty and Genuine Connection

Transcript

Todd McLaughlin: 0:33

Welcome to Native Yoga Toddcast. So happy you are here. My goal with this channel is to bring inspirational speakers to the mic in the field of yoga, massage, bodywork and beyond. Follow us at @nativeyoga and check us out at nativeyogacenter.com. All right, let's begin. Welcome to Native Yoga Toddcast your space to explore body, breath and presence with curiosity and ease. I'm your host, Todd McLaughlin, and I'm here at Native yoga center in beautiful Juno Beach, Florida. Today. I'm honored to be joined by a truly soulful guide and healer, Mahaya, and she is at mahaya healing arts. Mahaya is an integral healing practitioner and a transformational mentor whose work spans somatic therapeutics, breath work, holistic body work, yoga and trauma release. In our time together, we journey into the intersection of movement, stillness, breath and system, connection and how we can alchemize the inner landscape so our outer reality reflects our deeper truth. So wherever you are, whether you're seated on your mat, in your car or walking in the sand, I invite you to settle in, soften into your breath, and let's begin this conversation with Mahaya. And remember, please check her out on her website, mahayahealingarts.com and you'll see the link in the description, and you'll find her easily. All right, let's begin. I'm so happy to have this opportunity to meet and speak with Mahaya. Mahaya, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day. How are you feeling today?

Mahaya: 2:38

I'm feeling excited, excited to be well. Thank you so much.

Todd McLaughlin: 2:44

I found you via a meditation orientated group, and I saw that you've been involved in healing work for many, many years, and you have a really extensive resume. So I'm excited to just hear a little bit about your your journey. Can you tell me? Where do you live right now? I am on Vancouver Island, Pacific Canada, based in my place for the last year, and before that, I've been traveling a lot around the world. Nice. I hear it's beautiful on Vancouver Island. What are your thoughts so far?

Unknown: 3:26

Well, I chose to be here. I lived in Ontario Canada before and when I traveled, I came back to Canada for five years of being away, and I wanted to be in a community where I resonate with people, where people are having the same values that I do in terms of connection with themselves, their truth, living, their truth, curiosity, openness to life. And it feels like there's more. There are more of those type of people here. It's like a bigger concentration. I find more people that are living a little bit differently than most of the world. So I'm really enjoying that.

Todd McLaughlin: 4:11

Amazing, is it? I obviously it's quite a bit colder there. What is the I'm curious what the temperature is there. Now, the time of the year is, we are October. Today is October 29 and 2025 What is the weather like in October and on Vancouver, Vancouver Island?

Unknown: 4:31

Well, I wish it was warmer. I definitely would trade with you right now.

Todd McLaughlin: 4:40

Yeah, we're still hot here. We're waiting for our first cold front to come.

Unknown: 4:43

Yeah, yeah. It starts thinking, okay, here this time of the year, yeah, the temperature is not that bad. I used to live in Russia in the past. I'm from Russia Originally, the in Ontario as well. It was minus, you know, it was getting to minus. And. Here, you don't get that, you know? You get maybe Celsius, zero degrees the worst. But it gets dark. It gets dark. It's lots of rain. Gotcha nice. And it starts right now. Yeah, there are more and more rainy days.

Todd McLaughlin: 5:13

I've met people that were really into surfing that said the surf on Vancouver Island was amazing. What is your experience of going down to the beach there?

Unknown: 5:25

I live on the boarding side for serving

Todd McLaughlin: 5:30

Island. You're on the west

Unknown: 5:33

side. He's quiet,

Todd McLaughlin: 5:35

okay, yeah, yeah. And if you, if you want to get from Vancouver Island back to the mainland. Are you taking a boat, a plane? What is the transportation like?

Unknown: 5:47

Mostly ferries. That's the most affordable you get onto the ferry. The ferries are really good people who can afford they can take a float plane. But, yeah, that's not how most people

Todd McLaughlin: 6:00

travel, gotcha. Gotcha, very cool. And I from reading your bio, you've have you've have experience with yoga and body work, and you've done a lot of training in that world. And then I saw on your website that you offer something, and your website is mahaya healing arts.com of which the link is in the description, so people can find you easily. I saw that you do a type of healing modality called circling, and I wasn't really sure what that means. Can you tell me a little bit what that what that looks and feels like?

Unknown: 6:37

Yeah, yeah. I kind of feel I want to start like, why I got to that place after doing yoga and body work and all other yes please, therapies that I was involved in, how I even got to this new place right where I'm at right now?

Todd McLaughlin: 6:52

Is that okay? I would love that. Thank you. Sorry for jumping too far ahead too fast. I thank you. No, it's great,

Unknown: 7:01

yeah, I started with this whole exploration of healing and therapies since my 20s. I am 46 today, so it's been a while, and I started because I but in Buddhist terms, I lived a life of suffering. There was a lot of suffering in my life. I felt miserable. I felt victimized by life, and, yeah, I was unhappy in many, many aspects of my life, relationships, health, not knowing what I'm doing in life. And actually, the biggest music for me was relational. It's like I didn't feel the way I'm relating with others. My connections were nourishing me. It actually was very painful for me, and triggered lots of stuff in me. So all that made me to join a spiritual community, which I was a part of for 13 years, kind of like a non life, since I was 25 because I felt okay. I just got to sit and meditate and I'll resolve this. I'll start being happy. So that's been my path. And it was really like I had a guru. I was dedicated. And at the same time, even in that community, which was really, really kind. I felt not belonging. I felt just all that same stuff that struggled before joining the path started to surface for me, and I did not know how to work with it, all the feelings of anger, of not feeling understood, of not feeling connected, I it. And I got to the place where I actually got really sick. I was serving. I lived in the center where I meditated with everyone, lived with everyone, worked like karma yoga. We call it service. And I didn't feel fulfilled. And I got really, really sick, to the extent where I was almost not functioning. And at that point, I realized that something I'm missing on something, something that I'm not doing here, something I'm really missing. My turning point was where I recognized, okay, it's not all black and white because I was really healthy, like, meditation results, everything, I was vegan, like, everything had to be only natural. I wasn't recognizing motor medicine, pharmaceuticals, and at that point of like, well, I'm not making it. I might die if I don't go to a doctor and take that sleeping pill. Because I actually, like, had a severe insomnia, like, I was so sleep deprived, severely deprived that, like, my brain wasn't functioning, I didn't have coordination. I Yeah, it was really, really difficult. I. So it started by just like, okay, maybe it doesn't have to be everything black and white. And now it's a question of survival. And let me look at that. So that was my turnaround from Okay, spirituality, meditation, healthy living. There's also everything to like. Let me ask deeper questions here.

Todd McLaughlin: 10:23

Yeah, understood that makes sense. Do you find that that's a common thing that happens for folks that are recovering from trauma and or life of extreme challenge, is that we tend to then think, I'm going to fix it by being perfect, and then we find what the perfect boxes are like, like you mentioned, like vegan meditation, spiritual life, live on an ashram, have A guru, but But there's more to it than that.

Unknown: 11:09

I find for myself, what I've learned is to look at the places to where I don't want to feel something and how I use something else to not feel that. So for me, there was a lot of emotional pain that I wasn't facing in myself. And I used spirituality to kind of like, say, like, oh, okay, it's all love and light. It's all beautiful. Let's just meditate on the heart. It's all going to be good, you know. Let me just do what others are saying to do. You know, it works. They're like, look at them. They look amazing. I want to look the way. They are full of light. Let me do exactly what they are doing, and it's going to be all good. And doing that, and it's okay. I feel like it's okay to try different things and see what works. But I was doing that and ignoring what was actually happening to me in my body and how I was feeling, which I felt, didn't feel happy, I didn't feel fulfilled. So ignoring things and sticking to one thing that's kind of like supposed to work, that my mind thinks, because that's what everything looks and that did not work. Yes, so what I've learned, I've learned that I need to actually listen to my body, to listen to actually, like, okay, am I happy? Like, am I happy? What do you feel? What's happening, you know? And like, okay, and then what is missing. So when I started getting just a bit stronger, like I started taking that sleeping pill and sleeping just a bit better, and my brain started functioning again. I asked the first question. I asked myself, Am I happy? Because it can be just survival. Okay, I just want to heal and feel better in my body and sleep better. But like, I need to be passionate. Why do I leave what is here for me? What what nourishes me, what does it to me? And I knew that I always liked to go to yoga classes. Whenever I would go to a yoga class, I would feel better. And I, you know, when I asked myself, like, what is it that I actually love doing? Like, well, at least I know I feel better in yoga classes. I kind of love yoga. So I thought, like, Okay, I'm gonna go and change to be a yoga teacher. And that's how my path started. I went and I changed to be a yoga teacher. That was the first place where I thought, like, oh my gosh, I'm actually feeling happy here. There's like, a sense of connection.

Todd McLaughlin: 13:33

And I read that you did that in India. I believe was it in Russia?

Unknown: 13:35

Cash, no, I did it in Canada. I wasn't strong enough to travel at that time, it was not too far from my home, but I went into the mountains. It's Shivananda ashram, immersed myself in a month living there and doing that training with them. Nice. Yeah, yeah. So that was

Todd McLaughlin: 14:00

Maha was this after you had lived in the intentional community for 13 years? Or was this before?

Unknown: 14:07

It was during that period? It was just when I started getting better? Yeah, I was still part of this, my original community, with that specific guru, and I went and did my own thing, which wasn't looked well at, because it's supposed to do just one thing dedicated to one path. So that started my journey of coming out from that specific community, because I started doing my own thing. Yes, that's they are not doing

Todd McLaughlin: 14:36

that's that's an interesting thing, isn't it? When you realize you have to do something different, and you start getting pushback. That almost gives you the sign, even though it's so difficult, because it'll feel like, Am I doing the right thing, but it almost is a red flag to say yes, yes, I am, if I'm taking care of myself,

Unknown: 14:53

yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for Yeah, seeing that, because it was a big thing for me at that time. Because that community works, everything I had that was my whole life, and starting to do my own thing that's not approved, was taking myself out from that place of belonging that was still a little bit there. I mean, it was like, that was all I had, all I had, and, yeah, it was a big step of just like, Okay, this is not any more about belonging, but like, Okay, I actually need to find a way to stay alive. It was like a question of really dead and life at that point in starting to check into my truth and what's really, really true for me, what feels good for me? Yeah. Nice.

Todd McLaughlin: 15:46

Do you feel like you have what? What type of realizations Have you had since that point that then brought you to explore different healing modalities?

Unknown: 16:01

Yeah? Yeah. I so for me, coming into teaching yoga, was really about my own journey. It wasn't about, oh, there is something I can offer. But it was more about like, Okay, what is it that I love doing and giving that to myself? And it was more also about reconnecting to my power. Because when someone is sick, like when I was sick, it's like I became nobody. It's like I don't exist. So it's like all the confidence and make it positive completely disappeared. So it was a way of Whoo. I matter. I matter, and make an impact, just kind of giving myself that experience. And it looks like I became quite a good yoga teacher because of this. I felt what was really working there and in body work. I got trained in body work much, much earlier, and it was always part of my life in body work, it was this capacity to come into presence that felt was moving something in the class. And this capacity of coming into presence started transferring into all the other modalities that I started moving into after the yoga, and I would say that right now, it's still the foundation of everything that I'm doing, and that's what makes a difference. It's not the modalities, not the therapy, but it's that the person that I'm in contact with and sharing the space with, they're being impacted. They're becoming a bit more present in their own bodies, finding a deeper breath. So the whole journey of this going into this therapist, different modalities, was really about my own healing and the way it impacts others is just a little bit of a byproduct of that in my experience. So when I went to yoga, I realized, oh, people are crying in my glasses. And I know, like, when I learn about Yoga also, oh, it's like, brings up the emotional material they're able to feel. How for myself, I did not have that experience like, Okay, I feel the stretch, but like, I don't feel any emotions. I don't know nothing is happening for me. So I saw that something is missing for me personally, and I was searching for a modality that would help me to feel because I knew my healing is like, it's opening up to like, what actually am I not feeling right now? Yeah, where am I blocked? And I read a book by Anna Judith, who is known yoga teacher who combines bioenergetics with yoga. It's two things by energetics and yoga, and she wrote this book on chakras, where, when she talks about the first chakra, she says that one of the most important ways to heal, to resolve the issues of the first chakra is breath work, and specifically conscious connected to breath work. So that's kind of like, what was that? Oh, what is that? I don't know what it is. Where is it offered. So I found this Holotropic breathwork in the next city from mine. And maybe for a year, I was taking a bus. I did not have a car at the time, was taking bus, booking Airbnb to go to that Holotropic day once a month to do my own healing. And. That's where I like, Wow. This is powerful, seeing how much people get in touch with themselves, in the release, and how much actually, actually witnessing the pain that everyone is carrying. It was eyes opening to me just to see that it's like, it's not just me. It's like, wow. People carry so much pain, and I had no idea that it's not just me, everyone is in pain if you dig deeper. So I fell in love with that modality. And after practicing on my own with that group for a while, I went for a training in conscious, connected breath work and that kind of modality, somehow I found people who practice it. I don't know why, but maybe it does bring people into psychedelic states, into this outer state of consciousness. Those people are very connected to just using psychedelics as well for healing, for therapeutic use. So I started hearing about ayahuasca, and started sitting in ceremonies, also, like, full volume for maybe a year and a half, just like, Okay. Like, everything for me is about healing. Like, if that can heal me. So in parallel to breath work and yoga and teaching and doing body work, I was so much immersed in, like, working with ayahuasca for connecting to this transcendental states of consciousness and feeling what it feels like to be there and breathe from that place, and how I experience life while being in that state of more interconnectedness and oneness. So it was a very intense time of opening up in myself. And with all of that, okay, with all of these practices, I still felt disconnected. It's I feel. I still felt that the quality of my connection with others, of my relationships, I it's it's challenging, it brings pain. I I don't it's like, it cause it triggers my insecurities. It constantly triggers my shame, feeling bad about myself. I'm afraid of being really myself when I'm with others, unless it's like, a really close, good friend, you know? It's like I couldn't, like, feel like I can relax and be myself. It's like I leave this shame in my body somehow. And as a result, I, yeah, I always felt like there are everyone, everyone else, and here's my own island on myself, by myself. And that's where I started getting curious about, okay, what's missing here in terms of me being able to leave this consciousness that I started connecting with through meditation, through psychedelic experiences, through all these practices, breathwork practices, how I leave that in my relationship with others? How do I leave that? How I work through that? How don't pull away when I get triggered, when I start feeling insecure, when I start feeling bad about myself. About myself, how I don't shut down, how I still stay open and curious and myself, and that's what brought me to what you asked in the first place, this modality of circling, which is a form of authentic relating.

Todd McLaughlin: 23:26

Did you use the word authentic collating? Is that what you said authenticity,

Unknown: 23:33

authentic relating? Thank you.

Todd McLaughlin: 23:36

I'm so sorry. Authentic relating. Now I understand. Was well, I mean, everything you just told me, and then for you, being willing to come on here and speak with me would would indicate to me that you you've turned quite a big corner, because if you said you had a hard time relating with people and or felt like you were an island and and maybe not even knowing that other people feel pain and feeling very isolated in that experience, to share that publicly, in my opinion, takes quite A bit of work. So would you agree with me? Do you feel like to be able to do what we're doing right now is kind of a big deal in a way?

Unknown: 24:29

Well, for me, it's just like celebration, you know? And I six years ago, before I connected with this modality of circling, I probably would be super scared I would be hardly able to talk because I would be so nervous. And now I don't have that experience. I'm excited. I'm like, I want to share. I am very comfortable being myself, nice. I'm very relaxed in my own skin. It's like, I have a sense of is being who I am and sharing of who I.

Todd McLaughlin: 25:00

Yeah, amazing. That's cool. Can you share a little bit about how that circling transformation unfolded? The experience? Yeah, thank you.

Unknown: 25:12

Yeah, thank you. I feel so excited of talking about it, because of how much my life has changed because of this and, yeah. Also really nice to be seen in that by you just like that, you see that yeah and yeah. And also, like, I want everyone to know about it, that it is possible, please. Because I felt like, for like, six years ago, if you would, to ask me, I thought it's going to be this heavy cross that I'm going to carry throughout my whole life, where I will be always scared connecting with others. You know, I had this strong sexual anxiety, and I haven't been in a relationship for 20 years. I haven't been connecting with guys for 20 years. I it so I felt, you know, this is gonna be part of my life. That's how I am, that's who I am. And was really amazing that through yoga community, I was finding people that I could connect in a safe way when I wanted felt good and I'm happy for that. So when I started asking myself, what is it that I'm lacking, why I'm not able to connect with others? What's the problem here? I could see that like, I know to talk, you know, it's like, I know to say hi, I know, just ask, how are you doing? So it's something else that they need to explore. You know, it's not, I don't need to go to a class learn communication skills. Like, you know. It's like, you know, I know how to say things. And I realized, like, I need to be in relational space, you know, where there are others and I can explore it, but where it feels safe. So when pandemic started, that was when I hit the bottom in this isolation feeling because I was in Guatemala, the lockdown, I went to Guatemala just to take a year for myself. And after a few months, the lockdown happened, and I ended up house sitting this huge mansion with one black cat and one duck, all by myself, no one else. And I started going crazy. Hmm?

Todd McLaughlin: 27:41

Were you interacting with folks via this medium such as zoom and or technology, or were you literally isolated all by yourself in that in that space?

Unknown: 27:58

So I was all by myself and the only connection was Facebook. The only connection that I was Facebook at that time for me was on Facebook. And I saw that someone in our community where I lived in that Guatemala, there was a conscious community of expats, said, Hey, I'm going to offer online, because we are all, you know, sitting in our houses. I'm going to offer online, this authentic relating. If anyone wants to connect, I'm facilitating authentic relating. And I've heard about it before. I always wanted to explore. I was like, wow, this is really cool. I'm gonna do that. And that was my first experience. So that's how I got introduced to that. And that guy who offered it, he was a part of this whole huge platform where they were offering this relational practices under the umbrella of authentic relating, earning a zoom online. And because it was pandemic, it was booming. It was thriving. Everyone was online. They had maybe four or five sessions that you could go to into this relating groups and relate in different context. So what I did for about six, eight months of this lockdown, I was sitting on the Zoom, going for at least two sessions with them a day, and it was intense. I think after each session, so much in me was triggered that I felt like I needed therapy. After the session, I felt so bad about myself. There was so much shame. I felt like, Wow, I can't do even that. It was very, very challenging. I had even to reach out to one of the participants and ask her how she can be with me one on one, so that I somehow build up to that. So it was a very long journey, and difficult journey. However, after those six, eight months, I came out a new person. It's like I came out excited about meeting others, amazing.

Todd McLaughlin: 29:58

That's that's how. Powerful. What do you attribute some of the key factors of the of this type of approach to having such a profound success with you or for you? Yeah.

Unknown: 30:21

So what we do in this practice, specifically, it's called circling. It's the form of authentic relating. Authentically has many different types of how you can engage in this way of being with others, and one of the more advanced is circling. And because there's less structure, okay, there's types of authenticating where you're just given an exercise you go into breakout room. Or, if it's in person, it's one on one with someone, and you give them this exercise, you're given a prompt, like the sentence that you can start with, like, if you renew me, you would know that so that you can kind of start practicing vulnerability with each other. Very structured, okay? And there is a circling where there is no structure, where you're just here, you're here, I am here, and we are in this inquiry. How does it feel for me to be here with you. What's happening for me when I look at you,

Todd McLaughlin: 31:24

and maybe without even words being spoken, like just sitting in a circle with a group and just trying to feel that without necessarily having to have to verbalize it. It's fascinating. It's interesting. Yeah, you know, please keep going. I'm curious. Or do you need me to ask you

Unknown: 31:46

a question? Yeah, yeah. So another, another name to this is relational meditation. So the reason it's called relational meditation because just like in meditation, what we're doing this practice, first of all, we check with ourselves what actually happening for me right now, without anyone, if I close my eyes, what is happening for me right now? Yeah, and just like in normal, if it passed in a classical meditation, I would just sit down notice, oh, sensations. Okay, this is what I'm feeling. These are the thoughts that crossing my mind, just becoming aware of my own experience, coming into this place of connection with myself and witnessing. And then the next thing that we do, we open the eyes and we see, oh, there are others here in this space. And again, there's no pressure to speak. And the whole practice, even if I don't speak at all, it's my own business. Like there's no pressure to do anything. It's all for me to explore myself in the relational space. That's why we call it meditation. Because just like meditation, in meditation, we sit slowly exploring ourselves. Here, I still explore myself, but in relation to others. How this like extra layer of my experience now there are others here impacts me? Yeah,

Todd McLaughlin: 33:04

what would you feel? What did you start to feel in the beginning after doing the personal check in experience in relation to your meditation practice, opening your eyes, seeing there's other people there is that something that could trigger discomfort for you to just be like, Oh my gosh, there's people here, you know, or, or, you know, like, what is that? If we were to try to, if I'm just trying to understand, like, the mapping out of, like, how did that develop? Then for you to be able to be like, Oh, this is actually kind of nice. It's nice to be around people. I like this. This is cool. Versus the triggering of like, oh, how what am I going to say? How are they going to relate? What if they don't like me? All this type of stuff that might go on in our heads. Where do you feel like there was a specific catalyst that then got that to change? Or do you feel like just that the process of being facilitated in this way that's that's how the change happens. Yeah.

Unknown: 34:08

Thank you for that question. Yeah. So for myself, even with my eyes closed, I was noticing just knowing that there are others here, my mind was occupied with them, and how am I going to be here? It's like there was already worrying how I'm going to be here, what others think about me. Like that was that? What was what was my mind busy with? Yeah, rather than being able to let them go and just like, Ah, how is my breath? No, it's like I was so occupied about how I'm being perceived by others, and worrying about how I'm going to be perceived. And then opening my eyes, I did feel like, oh, there's anxiety in my body, like it's scary for me to be here, and I wonder what they think about me, and I wonder how I look. And. And it's like, really, like vigilance of how I'm holding myself to make sure that I'm perceived in a good way, in the way that I want to be perceived. So there's like extra vigilance. I was just aware of all these layers. And then what we do in circling, we actually name them. So in solo meditation, we just witness right? But in relational space, we would, we actually put that into words, oh, I'm noticing anxious, or I'm noticing I'm wondering, like I feel like I'm judged by you, you know. So I would reveal what's actually here for me, and revealing that if I have a need to hear I wonder how you actually perceive me, there's an opportunity to do that so I get real time feedback from others how they actually perceive me. And that's what was real writing eventually, when I had a courage, like, it's also scary to ask that, because, like, what if, like, they're really thinking about that I'm like, you know, shit, you know, what if? What if that's true.

Todd McLaughlin: 36:09

If they think that I'm if they're words that come out, or the words that are in my head about what I think they think of me, or how I think of myself, that would be traumatic in and of itself, because it would give, it would give validity to the fact that what I'm thinking, Did you find people? I mean, gosh, well, I mean it just as I'm listening to if you were to ask me that, and if I was maybe, maybe if I did have trouble with you, and I was brutally honest enough to say that to you, did you have any of those experiences, and how is that sort of navigated? If that were the is the situation? Yeah,

Unknown: 36:54

you know, I feel because I was so traumatized, people were picking up on it, because I would be like, Well, I feel that, like, you know, we would go into breakout room, and I look at the person, I feel like they don't want to be with me here to like, feel like, Oh, bummer. I'm with this mahaya. And I would say that, like, I feel that you feel like you're stuck with me here, and then the person's like, Why do you think so? Like, you know, like, what makes it to think that way? So it was kind of kind in the beginning, I felt like people really caring. And at the same time, there were people that I would say something and she's like, I don't like you asking me this or and I felt like, wow, she really doesn't like me. I didn't think it's just she doesn't like it. She doesn't like me. So I would make it about myself start feeling triggered, and that's why my insecurities would come up like, wow, I'm really not amazing. You know? I knew that, I knew that, I knew that, no, that would be my voice in the head. And that was really triggering. Yeah,

Todd McLaughlin: 37:52

it's interesting, isn't it?

Unknown: 38:37

Yeah, and now, as I am more connected to my power, like in these last few years, and more bold, there are definitely people that actually might not like like, might be triggered by me and not like me, not liking my boldness or too muchness, you know, and they would say that they actually don't like me. And now I'm ready for that. Now I'm just like, ready to get curious about that. How that makes me feel rejected? Yeah, like, oh, there's a pain of rejection, or like, oh, there's a feeling that something I'm doing not okay. But I have a curiosity around that, because, in general, I repaired my sense of myself. It's like, I know I'm good. Like, I'm basically in my foundation. I'm good. My intentions are good. I'm a good person, and I might be messy, you know? I make mistakes all the time. But like, you know, it doesn't mean that I'm bad, you know, yes, but before that, I didn't know all that. I thought, like, no, actually, that means anger.

Todd McLaughlin: 39:34

Well, that's amazing that you're able to turn that around. Are you facilitating this work with others?

Unknown: 39:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now I am creating those spaces of intimacy for others, and this is what nourishes me now in life, it's just, I guess it's my own longing for this lifelong longing for this intimate connection, because it is, you know, we go into this really vulnerable places where we feel each other, where it's not exchange of information. You know, there are different levels of connection with others. Yeah, there's one level that most people connect on, where, talking about weather, the way we started, or where do you live, you know, this like,

Todd McLaughlin: 40:22

how's the weather? What's the temperature in Vancouver? Yeah,

Unknown: 40:28

here you are. You know, we can talk about it, but you'll never, we'll never go to this place where we connect in a way, where, if I speak to, you know, being with you here right now, I feel kind of seen, you know, I feel. Seeing, and I feel welcomed, and there's a desire in it to connect. Drop a bit more in with you, into this, you know. So it's like, a different way, you know? It's like, I'm sure the weights different than if I say to you, hey, what's the weather like in Florida right now?

Todd McLaughlin: 41:04

It's a good point. Mahaya, I hear you. Do you feel like in the concept of yourself on the material, physical plane? And then if there is, if we have a higher self, are you starting to get a sense of a connection to the self that I can see on the screen right now, the physical you and and maybe some sense of a higher you? I don't know if that's the right way to say it, but lately, I've been coming across that concept of, actually, just today, I heard somebody mention it in relation to a show which I did not finish watching because it was so bizarre I didn't like totally understand what was going On, called severance. Whereas this idea where, without going in too far deep into it, but like, where all of the mundane activities of the world, you could clock out, like, if I have all these mundane activities, I could clock into that, and then when I leave the mundane activities, I could go to my outside of work life and clock into that, and the two lives have no way of knowing what they're doing on the one life or the other. And I was like, oh, that's what that show was about. Like I was so confused, but it got me to think, Whoa, what if I do have like a higher self living somewhere else that's kind of like using me or utilizing my skill in the world as a way of learning lessons to train or feed my higher self, like so I don't know if that's A disjointed way of looking at my existence, or a very healthy way of looking at my existence, but I'm just feeling like I'm curious that there's got to be so much more that I'm not seeing or feeling, and I want to learn more about that. Do you have any thoughts or insights around what I'm what I mentioned.

Unknown: 43:25

I When you started, I had the feeling that I'm understanding what you're asking, and now as you are sharing about your experience and getting a bit more curious about your experience, actually, yeah, yeah. So what I'm hearing that you're saying just for me to understand, Okay, I'm just, I'm gonna check with you. What you are saying just now, is that there is an inquiry that you have with yourself? Is there something more there that's actually like, like, as I go around and do my life, is there something more, something deeper here? In some way, there's like another entity of your higher self that's kind of present here that I'm not aware of, and it's like benefiting from all of this in some way? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Todd McLaughlin: 44:26

When I started to think like that, or look at it like that, I went, Whoa. I guess it may it makes me understand suffering a little bit better, like to be able to to be able to feel pain and say, Oh, this is really hard, but there's got to be some learning lesson that I'm getting out of this that's for my better, for the benefit of something, versus what did I do? Why do I deserve this? You know, like, all that kind of like, I don't know, like, like, there's a reason. Like, I'm starting to feel more like there's a reason for the pain and the suffering that it wasn't just all for not, it wasn't, yeah. And I'm curious where, what, yeah, what you're picking up on these days,

Unknown: 45:11

yeah, yeah. I also hear you it's like, it's shifted your perspective at the suffering and things, whenever something is challenging is stuck, you started seeing it in a new way. It'll, I think, to that in a new way, yeah, as you've shifted into that perspective, yeah, I feel, yeah, I'm still with you. I feel that was, I mean, circling practice is the health space for exploration and for practice. However, I feel the biggest shift for my. Self, for sure, it came from the place. Probably it came through this work with psychedelics, meditation and breath work. It was all kind of strengthening me and identifying with this more witnessing part of myself that's just Okay, seeing things as they happen, the challenges that they happen, but not getting caught in them, but seeing them like, Okay, what am I learning here? How can I work with us? What is it that I can do? What is it that I can do, like, that kind of question, you know? And that was with yoga. Was like, Okay, what did I love doing? I need to love something that I'm I need to start doing something to love in life, to survive, to actually start not just surviving but thriving, and start doing things that I actually love doing. So it's, yeah, it's the from that perspective, that shift that happened, and because of that shift of not identifying anymore with this insecure parts of myself, is really painful parts of myself, they're still here. They're still here. You know, they're still here. Maybe they're a little bit more gentle and faint, but like they're still here. I feel them, but when they come in, just not being lost there, that's that makes the difference. Of course,

Todd McLaughlin: 46:56

nice. Thank you. Yeah. Very cool. Do you have a daily practice of something like, you know, you know, like, I mean, obviously you do you still practice yoga? Do you take some sort of formalized practice? Do you still do formalized breath work practices? Are you in a state where you're letting go of all the like quote practices and just trying to live and not have to carve time out? Okay, now I'm gonna sit down. This is my one hour to to this particular practice. I'm curious what, what's speaking to you these days in relation to managing just like, Okay, now I'm not practicing anything. I'm just living I'm just having some fun. All right, what does it look like for you and right now or these days?

Unknown: 48:04

Yeah, yeah. I for myself, I feel I cannot go without practice even one day because of the way my mind works. It's like I need to clear it out every day. I need to come back to sanity every day. And for myself, it's in the morning. Yeah, it's when I wake up. I i At least for an hour, to say at least for an hour, sometimes longer. I really give myself lots of spaciousness in the mornings, at least for an hour, I would do this conscious, connected breath work. This is my very working with myself just starting to basically paying attention to my breath. That's all this. I don't it's, if you know, people know about this conscious, connected type of breath work. Sometimes it's, can be quite intense. I don't do that for me. I just pay attention to like, Oh, I'm actually breathing, and I just keep coming back to that, and whatever confusions that I have from the day before start coming into me. Because, like, you know, there are these questions, and whenever I start connecting to I would call it like, more like this presence of conscious, just what's really here, all the inquiries there right in front of me. And as I allow them to be here, I start seeing the answers, also the inside, the right way of seeing things, the way that the higher conscious, the higher version of myself would experience it and look at it the more same perspective. And then I do make sure that as I transition into the day. From that my practice, I carry this spacious and this presence with me as much as possible, into the way come out of my bed, into the way I go into my maybe movement practice, whatever that practice is on that day, into making my breakfast. I'm also very fortunate that all my work now I do one on one work with clients of somatic therapists, psychosomatic therapists, and the circling practice, it's called based on presence. So it's even the work that I do I am for the work need to be in this space. So I'm very fortunate in that way, that most of my days saturated with that's cool. Can you connection, the super connection?

Todd McLaughlin: 50:27

That's actually a really cool point, because can you talk a little bit about, let me back up, maybe, if I'm working in a job that I. I I meditate, and then I go about a really busy day, and I do my job and all that sort of stuff, and then I get that one hour to meditate in the morning. And what you just said to me sounds like you're able to turn your work into an extension of your awareness practice, and your awareness practice is an extension of your interacting with your clients, practice and which, and I appreciate that you use the terminology that I'm very fortunate, because I would agree with you, and I feel similarly. I feel very fortunate that my day to day is well, it has a lot of stress in it too, but it has moments where I can apply what I love and appreciate into my work and vice versa. Can you talk a little bit about what that's like for you and and how long it's taken you to get to this point, I guess, in a way, and I'm sorry to interrupt you, because I just asked you a question. I keep going on. Keep going on and on here, but you kind of already did tell me how you've evolved and you've gone through a tricky time. So I guess another question I have is, do you remember when there was a time in your life where you thought, wouldn't it be amazing to love my job? And here you are now. You can say, I love my job. Do you have that sort of experience?

Unknown: 52:03

Yeah, absolutely, it was a long journey.

Todd McLaughlin: 52:07

Why did that to take so long? I know I hear

Unknown: 52:18

you, yeah, well, because I know there's like, a financial aspect, right? Like, it's like, oh, it's like, okay, can I do this? And who is going to pay to me for this? And is it going to be enough money for paying for all my expenses and living the life, the What's life that I want to live in that way? So when I chose to be, I guess I always, in some way, worked in something that's still unconnected, like I was a body worker, and I worked in this big spa. It was a full time, and I was a good income that I was making at that time with doing that and stable, you know, like I'm employed, you know, it's always, I'm going to always have clients. I don't need to promote myself. I don't need to worry about the clients. So when I went to this teaching yoga and having my own private work with body work, just doing on my own space, I held them to that spa job for quite a while, and it took me going away for a month of just immersing myself in this yoga community where I did my yoga teacher training. I went for doing just Karma Yoga, just a month of fun where I felt like, you know what, I cannot come back to my work. It doesn't feel aligned anymore. And actually, as I'm speaking now, I'm noticing my battery's going down. I'm gonna just move a bit to connect to plug

Todd McLaughlin: 53:46

it, no problem.

Unknown: 53:49

Oh, it's led, so I don't lose you.

Todd McLaughlin: 53:53

All right, if you do, it's no problem. We'll figure it out. Yeah, thank you so

Unknown: 54:05

of the darker

Todd McLaughlin: 54:10

no problem. We switched. We switched the mood. No, I'm kidding. Now we're going to the darker mood. No kidding.

Unknown: 54:20

Yeah, yeah, no, no,

Todd McLaughlin: 54:22

it's totally fine. I'm just having fun. Yeah? Just having fun. Yeah, okay, okay,

Unknown: 54:30

yeah. So where was I? Ah, yeah, yeah. So it took me a while, and I needed to completely disconnect and be in some other, like, more like, aligned vibe for a month where I felt like, you know, I actually doesn't feel aligned. I cannot go there. I'm not happy just thinking about that. I need to come back and go there. So from there, I wrote this letter of wanting to leave, get noticed, two weeks notice, and when I came back, I did not go to the work anymore. So that was the last thing that I did, something that didn't feel in full alignment. And maybe now it's 10 years since then. Nice.

Todd McLaughlin: 55:16

Yeah, it worked. You figured out how to make it work. Yeah, did? You worked as you started to integrate circle work and authentic relating work into your practice. Because what I like hearing about too is, you know, we start off with a like, you're in the same. I would say you're in the same field, you know, in the world of you worked in the healing world with the bodywork, and then as you grew and evolved, and you learned new modalities, and it evolved, and then there's a point where you can still even feel like I'm taking another leap of faith to attempt to go this direction, for example, maybe everybody was used to you doing hands on, body work with them, and now all of a sudden you're saying, Well, look, you know that works really well, but I'm finding incredible results from this other type of work. And some people will jump on board and some people won't, and sometimes even that's challenging. So um, was there a little bit of that as you transitioned over to facilitating more of the authentic relating work, or was it, do you feel like it was a pretty smooth, seamless experience?

Unknown: 56:36

Yeah, yeah, I was. I was still working with bodywork and teaching yoga and facilitating breath work, when I started being really passionate about circling and what it can give to others. And for me, my major income was from what I was already doing and had the clients, and circling was more just, oh, this is like, I don't need to be paid for that. I'm just, I mean, it would be nice to be paid for, but I couldn't believe that someone will pay to me for that. That is just like I just, it's for my nourishment. So I was, I started to do it from just pure place of giving, just because I enjoy that, because it just feels good. Yeah, so that's how it started, and that's how I was getting better at holding those spaces myself without feeling that pressure of needing to perform. Yeah, cool. However, it changed, because I, for the past year and a half, coming back to Canada, my lifestyle is even more nodding than it was and I was traveling like, I'm just like, moving a lot, so I was focused. So in this year and a half, I've been focusing interaction. Can actually support myself by facilitating those spaces and doing this psychosomatic work with others in one on one, which is all online, very different from what I used to do, which was in person. So that was the whole new journey for me of learning all that it takes. Nice,

Todd McLaughlin: 58:10

so cool. Mahaya, I really, I really appreciate you sharing this with us. You know, I find it so fascinating. I love hearing how, how you're, how you evolved in your journey. Can you as I'm, as I'm attempting to turn because I know we scheduled an hour, and I want to be respectful of your time as we're kind of like, starting to turn that corner toward like, Uh oh, it's already been an hour. I can't believe it. Can you give us a little bit of advice myself and the listener, if we explore meditation and close our eyes and we can you, can you give us a little bit of advice of or maybe some insight into a way of listening and being open and receptive to the things we see, the scenarios that are playing in our head, and then maybe the questions we have, is this real? Is this not how much of this is my imagination, how much of it is true? Insight. Can you give us a little bit of a tool to navigate that if that's occurring for for myself, it is occurring for myself and for others.

Unknown: 59:40

Just want to check with you again to make sure I understand the question. So you're seeing the experience that you're having with the meditation is, like, you would have a certain experience, and for you personally, you would like, question, like, Okay, how much of that is real? How much of that is not? Is that?

Todd McLaughlin: 59:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like asking, like, asking questions. Like, while I'm in meditation, I'll ask questions, and I'll receive some sort of insight, and then later on, I might look back on it and go, I'll just really investigate it. Like, is that? Is that just me and my unprocessed, traumatic experiences coming out in some sort of weird imagination thing. Am I really getting clarity on some of the stuff that was unclear for me, you know? And just, I guess I'm always just trying to navigate and just watch it, not take it too seriously, but at the same time, sometimes. I'm amazed, and I'm like, Whoa. Maybe that, maybe that's really giving me some clear insight into that. So I guess I'm curious if you're, if you're having that as well, and if, when that does come up for you, if it does, what is your process of navigating and going through it? Yeah?

Unknown: 1:01:03

Yeah, yeah. I love the I love the question so much. And like, how many new answers there? You know, the answers that we receive in meditation, and how to take and what to act on, and what, yeah, what's not real. You love that inquiry. What I'm learning from myself, I'm learning that my mind can just AI, can go anywhere depending on my desires and my fears, and can produce anything that will match that I and for me to check what's real, what is it that I actually is a value, but, like, what is a value for me for where I want to be in life? I I need to, yeah, to kind of like, check it against that. It's like, it's more like when I am here and check with myself, what are my true values? Where do I want to be in life? And whatever I received there? Is it in alignment with that, or is it an expression of fear? And if it is an expression of fear, then it actually helps me. It shows me where I am holding back or being blocked from expanding into that place where I want to be. So it's actually really valuable. However, there is no absolute truth on but it's like shows this like specific place in myself where there is maybe attachment or some kind of desire that I still want to live before I get to this bigger place. And how can I meet myself there? There is a truth in that, like, in terms of showing, like, my own inner world, what wants to be met here by me, maybe not necessarily acted on, but by me. I A Yes, great answer.

Todd McLaughlin: 1:03:09

Good answer. That's not an easy question to answer. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I know it was good. I like it. That's helpful. Well, thank you so much, mahaya. I really enjoyed this, and I appreciate your honesty and your patience, and I can sense that you, you know we had, you're you're taking time to answer and listen and actually pay attention, and that's so valuable. So it's really a pleasure to meet you, and I really appreciate you feeling comfortable and being so so honest. So thank you so much.

Unknown: 1:03:54

Thank you. Thank you. I let me see what's here for me. Yeah, I enjoyed it a lot, cool. Yeah, felt very nourishing and satisfying. And, yeah, it was really good. And thank you so much for your questions. Really, really enjoyed

Todd McLaughlin: 1:04:15

your questions. Thank you, mahaya. I hope to connect again in the future. Thank you so much.

Unknown: 1:04:22

Yeah,

Todd McLaughlin: 1:04:25

thank you so much mahaya for sharing your presence, your insights and your powerful medicine with us today. And thank you to each of you listening, for showing up, for giving yourself this time and space and for deepening your connection with your body, breath and authenticity. This episode resonates with you. I encourage you to visit my highest website at mahaya healingarts.com, and you can learn more about her offerings. If you enjoyed today's show, please hit the subscribe, leave a review, share the episode with someone who might benefit, and if you'd like to support our work at Native yoga center, stay tuned for more episodes, more conversations and more guides to help you live fully, serve deeply and arrive home to your deepest self until next time. I'm Todd McLaughlin, thanks for being here. Be well. Breathe deeply and keep unfolding your truth. Native, yoga Todd cast is produced by myself. The theme music is dreamed up by Bryce Allen. If you like this show, let me know if there's room for improvement. I want to hear that too. We are curious to know what you think and what you want more of what I can improve. Love. And if you have ideas for future guests or topics, please send us your thoughts to info at Native yoga center. You can find us at Native yoga center.com, and hey, if you did like this episode, share it with your friends. Rate it and review and join us next time you you.