Carla Patullo - How Surviving Breast Cancer Inspired Her Grammy-Winning Album

In this insightful conversation, Todd McLaughlin delves deep into the artistic journey and personal life of Grammy winner Carla Patullo. Beyond the glitz of awards, Carla's narrative is one that traverses through the challenges of health, the catharsis of music creation, and the importance of physical and mental well-being. Listeners will find themselves drawn into an engaging discussion that reveals the profound impact of Carla's experiences on her creative output.

Visit Carla on her website: https://www.carlapatullo.com/
Listen to Grammy Award winning "So She Howls" on Spotify

Key Takeaways:

• Carla Patullo shares her transformative experience with breast cancer and its influence on her Grammy-winning album "So She Howls."
• Music served as a therapeutic diary for Carla, helping her navigate through a tough personal period.
• The album incorporates binaural beats to induce a relaxed and meditative state for listeners.
• Carla takes pride in her ability to compose for a variety of musical genres and film scores, reflecting her adaptive creative process.
• The episode touches on Carla's personal growth and enhanced appreciation for life post breast cancer recovery.

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Chapters

• 0:04 From Personal Struggle to Grammy Triumph |
• 2:09 A Musician's Battle and Triumph Over Breast Cancer |
• 5:01 Exploring Musical Genres and Healing Through Composition |
• 5:55 Surviving Cancer and Embracing a Healthier Lifestyle |
• 10:07 Musical Evolution Through Personal Trials and Heritage |
• 24:31 Exploring Binaural Beats and Compositional Improvisation in Music Therapy |
• 40:06 Progress and Challenges in LGBTQ Inclusivity and Acceptance |
• 45:32 Healing Through Music and Shared Experiences of Cancer |

Transcript

0:33

Welcome to Native Yoga Toddcast. So happy you are here. My goal with this channel is to bring inspirational speakers to the mic in the field of yoga, massage bodywork and beyond. Follow us @nativeyoga and check us out at nativeyogacenter.com All right, let's begin Welcome to Native Yoga Toddcast today. I have special guests Carla Patullo here joining us for this epic conversation. Carla Patullo is best known for her music that blends lush acoustics with layered vocals and experimental electronics and her music it strives to connect with the deep human emotions that are found in moments of grief, healing, redemption, and joy. She is the Grammy winner for 2024 for Best New Age ambient or chant album called So She Howls. And it features the Scorchio Quartet who has worked with artists like Philip Glass, David Bowie and Laurie Anderson. And also it features the vocal ensemble Tonality, which has worked with artists like Bjork, and she also has a violinist Lili Haydn performing on the album. You have to check it out. You'll hear the link is in the description below. Visit her on our website, Carlapatullo.com. And then you can listen to the album So She Howls on whatever listening device you'd like to use Spotify, Tidal, all that great stuff. Listen to it from the beginning, all the way to the end and just just feel what kind of sensations come up for you. It's a really remarkable album. And it is an it is a huge honor to have this opportunity to speak and meet and interview Carla, I hope you enjoy. Let's go ahead and begin. I'm really happy to have this opportunity to introduce you to Carla Pattulo. She is a Grammy winner for 2024 for Best New Age, Ambiant or Chant Album for the album is called So She Howls which is featuring Tonality and the Scorchio quartet. Carla, thank you so much for joining me today. How are you feeling? Feeling? Great. Thank you. Thanks. Happy to be here. And yeah, well, how cool. I mean, I'm a Grammy Award. That's one of the biggest awards we can achieve in the music industry. Can you tell me when you were recording this album? Did you have any hopes that this would happen? Or did this just miraculously occur? How can you give me a little bit of insight and have a lot of personal questions I want to ask you to jump in on like it? Can you believe it? Yeah, I mean, well, first, I can't believe it still, it's, you know, even a few months after, but, you know, I definitely when I started this album, you know, it was coming out of a very tough place, personally, and it was just really a diary for me. And in fact, I thought it was going to just be my last album. So it was just this like, you know, fundamental need to have music in my life and to help me, you know, conquer my day, basically, and get through it. And so the Grammys were like, you know, that was like the last thing you know, being a musician, I've always, you know, dreamed of, you know, yeah, someday I'll have a Grammy, you know, maybe I don't know, it's one of those things that seems so far away, you know, and yeah, hard to attain. Yes, I hear ya. I hear you is that can you speak a little bit about when you said you're going through a challenging time, what was the challenge that you're going through that creating music helped you to work through? Yeah, that so I, this is just right before the pandemic hit, but I got a diagnosis of breast cancer. Totally, you know, shocked about that, too, because it wasn't something that I had my family anyone in my family had experience. So it was really just shocking. And, and, and, you know, and it was a really like, difficult thing because, you know, you know, when somebody, there's so many unknowns with cancer, especially in the beginning as you're going through a diagnosis and so there was like, a good like, month or two where I was just kind of like, what, what's going on? What, how much cancer two I have, like, what's it, you know? And, you know, those were the real hard months of, you know, just being utterly like, can't think of anything else, you know, can't you know, music, my, my career, everything, like, there's a big halt in my life, you know, and, and then, you know, the pandemic kinda was there. Everyone kind of was there with me soon after, unfortunately. But um, but, you know, that's, you know, kind of where it started, and was just a really hard journey through it. I bet. Yeah. I can't imagine I always wonder how will how would I? Or will I react if I received that type of information? What type of treatment did you choose to undergo? Well, for the type I had, it was pretty, like they it has evolved to a pretty standard treatment, I was something called triple positive, which was hormone positive, and also, her to positive and her to positive. Within the last 30 years believe was in the 90s, there were these courageous women who took this trial. And actually, here in Santa Monica, they created a new drug called Herceptin, which is the drug that saved my life and made that cancer ground, you know, change. Now to a really good, you know, well, a very treatable kind of cancer. Got it? Got it. How long of a journey was that till from the time of diagnosis to the time where I'm guessing you're saying that you're, you're in the free and clear, is that is that true? Well, yes, I'm in the free and clear, you know, it's, you know, you do like the drug, cat, chemo and the Herceptin part in the surgery, and then radiation. So you really do everything with this type of cancer, that's the downer. But the results are so good. And, you know, I was one of the lucky ones that it really worked well for. So it was just a physical. Just hard physically, you know, to get through it, but I would say even harder, mentally, you know, just to process everything, because it's happening so fast. It's like, you know, ooh, we don't know what's going on. Now. We know you're getting better, and it's just moving fast. And I've been, you know, so the treatments long, and you do take preventative medicine down the road. So it was a few years there. And of course, like, I still take hormone therapy now. So understood, but the iron is I feel, you know, coming to this, like, really tough illness. I'm, like, healthier now than I've ever. Like, I got myself together. And I go hiking, I go to the gym and, you know, exploring new activities, and, you know, keeping myself fit, eating well, you know, all those things you you weren't thinking about before, I'm guessing. No, no, I just figured I could do this forever, or nothing's gonna hurt me that type of thing. Or? Yeah, and, you know, be it would be exactly like, you know, something with that mindset. When you're in your 30s you're still like, whatever, you know. But it did, you know, it was a real growing point. You know, I really grew like thinking about my health. And, you know, I feel like I write better music now even. Because, you know, I used to be in my studio, sometimes meeting film scoring deadlines, and I would just sit in a chair for 14 hours and like, really not think about it, you know, and just leave it to be like, Oh, I'm a hard worker. Yeah. And I'd get really burned out and, you know, so allowing myself to say no, my body's number one. It's like everything follows, you know, it's like this momentum. Yeah, that gives me more creativity. More, you know, just I'm worried I'm more crit. Yeah, more creative, I think because of it. And that's amazing to hear. And I'm so congratulations. That's incredible. Thank you. That's inspirational too. I'm sure there's lots of I don't know what the stats are. What are the stats? Yes, for the amount of people not just cancer, but maybe even more specifically breast cancer. Mean? I think with breast cancer, they say it's like you like one out of every four women, something crazy like that. And, and with a Type I had, it's like 20% of that. So it's, I think there's been so many great strides with breast cancer. When I first got diagnosed, I learned quickly how many types of breast cancer? I mean, there's really a lot of different kinds of breast cancer alone. Yes. Yeah. So it's just, you know, it's, it's, you know, I think there's always room for improvement. I think, you know, with the type I had, I was very, very lucky, you know, I have a very small chance of it coming back. I mean, it's not zero, but, but, you know, I'm deciding to live with the high percent in my mind, you know, that I'm okay, and just do everything I can to lower that, you know, do you feel like there's in the back of your mind there is that worry and or concern of like, well, how, what could this happen again, and that type of thing is that? Yeah, you know, it's, it's gotten better, like, the first year or two, I was, you know, anytime I felt something or, you know, I was really a little bit more panicked, you know, even even going to any doctor going to the dentist, like I had that like PTSD of like, what's gonna happen, you know, like, so it took a while, I think, like, giving myself and my body like, the time for me to, like, recognize, and take the time in my body to see how I'm feeling myself. I think that's key. Because, like, there's this whole, like, like, trust broken trust thing that happens, like, you know, like, it was so weird, I could detach myself from my body and be like, what's wrong with you? How did you get cancer? You know? Yeah, good point. But, yeah, but now, like, you know, it's like, I'm trusting my body again. And I'm also very aware of what I'm, you know, doing to my body, like, you know, I've made the choices to cut alcohol to do different things to, you know, anything that I can do to prevent it. And that that gives you power, I think, it sounds like you have a greater or an enhanced appreciation for life. I hear that from folks that make it through battling cancer, you just come out a different person. Yeah, I mean, there's just so much gratitude every day, you know, like, we know what it's like to wake up and, you know, not feel great. Or to wake up and you know, and just, you know, not this unknown, let the fear swallow you, you know, and I think like, you know, when you can wake up and just have a moment to appreciate just what's around you in that moment. That's amazing. Oh, man, what type of how did music interact with? How did you interact with music? Yeah, this whole process in relation to creating this album? Well, you know, there's a point when you're going through stuff where you want to, like, keep yourself busy, but also, like, I was just really like, unmotivated, when I was going through it. And so I just like, you know, little by little, I started singing, really howling, and that's where the name so she helps comes from, into my phone, you know, I would just record little things. And then, you know, as it was, like, in motion with what I was going through, you know, with, like, with the news, I was getting for my doctors, you know, there was optimism there. And so, okay, maybe I'll set up a microphone. And I just kept saying, you know, it's a different way of composing because nothing was pre planned, there was no like, this, I'm going to write an album about this. And that, because first it was like, I'm gonna write a song or like, I'm just gonna sing this into the microphone and see what happens. That was very much the album. And you know, and I kept all those vocal tracks. You know, I just, I kept all the rawness because I felt like I was recording a time and place and I wanted to preserve that. I don't think I could recreate recreate those emotions and why would I you know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, what was your what? Can you give me a little bit of a understanding of your background with music and when did you first fall in love or come in contact with playing or performing music? Were you young or is it something that Yeah. I, you know, I, I grew up my parents and my grandparents were from Italy. And we all like, you know, we all lived in this house and they would always sing they were from a small farm town and my grandmother was like, would always be like, let's go and you know, sit down press this tape recorder and record me because I want you to have these like tapes of me when you grow up and I kind of, you know, felt like fell in love with music and And, you know, like, soon after I just I started playing with like a toy piano. And, you know, I always remember though wanting to create something new and not necessarily play like, you know, Mary Had a Little Lamb or whatever. You know. And so I really think very early on when you were learning this classic yeah times and you right away felt like I want to make my own song. Yeah, it was, you know, I don't know, I just would just think about, you know, I just remember thinking like, Oh, I just want to go off and play something that sounds great. And, and, you know, and, and it was interesting to see like my grandparents to like, because they didn't have that, you know, music education. They grew up in this small town and, and just to see, like, their talent, like, even though they just were like, We're storytellers, we're just passing on these folk songs, or it just inspired me. Yeah, and like, you know, and then I started to not, you know, go to school and play in the band and do all that and learn instruments. But then, you know, I just got it started writing. Yeah, cool. Oh, when did you when did you write your first song? How old were you? I think it was like 11. And it was a song I remember it was called lies lies lie. Was it because like, you figured, figured out Santa Claus, Santa Claus with a real? Classic, I have an 11 year old daughter. So I'm trying to imagine what would her song be like? If she came up with lies, lies lies, I'd be like, Wow, she's, she's deep, but she's gonna. She's gonna take this far. That's amazing. What what instrument were you composing with? What was your first love in relation to instrumentation? Well, I, you know, I had been using the saxophone and doing that in bands. That was my introduction. But really, the piano was my first instrument. And I just began writing and singing, but when, you know, I decided to learn how to sing and play the piano really. So I can accompany myself and write songs. You know, and get the knowledge to like, yeah, to do that. And, and so that's kind of how that grew. Yeah. And, you know, amazing. I see. I mean, for those of you that are listening, you can also check us out on the YouTube video and your background. I see lots of instruments I see pianos and guitars. How many instruments do you play proficiently? Well, yeah, well, okay, so as a composer, like we there's a joke that we really don't play all these musicians, these instruments great. We know how to like dabble in all of them so we can create something and then you know, a lot of times when we have the sessions, we'll call over, you know, a really great guitarist who will like knock it out in a minute. But I play I tried to pick up a lot of different instruments I love actually learning a new instrument. So I don't know if you see I might be blocking the cello. Yeah, oh, nice. The cello is something I picked up actually during the pandemic and during my cancer journey. And I was able to use that on the album a little bit. But of course, I brought in the score trio quartet because they're phenomenal but in a very fundamental way I learned I just would play like certain notes and I was kind of exploring binaural beats so I was trying to just get into frequency ranges that could put your mind in a really good state of mind you know of relaxation. Very cool. I know the description from the award or the category that your album is in says New Age ambience or chant album. When you were when you were composing this music did were you thinking to yourself I'm creating a new age album? I'm creating an ambience album. Are you are you trying very anti anti genre to be honest, yeah, I you know, and I'm working in films and doing film scores. I do a lot of different kinds of genre you know, I go all over the place and I used to be in a rock band and I used to play with Sandra Bernhard and you know, do all sorts of stuff. And when I was creating this, it really was just what do I need to get through this experience? What am I feeling nice? And you know, and then kind of along the journey, you know, totally shared it with my agents and, and, and music professionals mind they're like, you know, you should really go for a Grammy and you know, and then you know, the conversation is what category do you put it? And you're like, which is always tough because it's sleep, you know, I mean, I understand the reasoning for it, but I also think that, you know, I just don't like to be restricted to being in a genre I like to kind of float around and not think about that. Well, it's so cool. Because when I listen to your album, it's it's amazing. And it's I thank you. I would, I would if I were you, I would I don't know what category, what were the other categories that you would what were competing for this category? What other categories? Could you have? opted for people were saying it was really hard, you know, some people are saying classical Compendium, because, you know, there were strings, and quite, you know, the instrumentation could go there. And there was this concept. And but, you know, I don't know, and I think, in the end, I think the healing part of this is what kind of put it in that category. And yeah, that makes sense. And yeah, yeah, that's cool. Yeah. And so when you say film score, you record music for movies, and how does that work? Does this somebody come to you and say, we're doing a mystery thriller? Or? Yeah, it's a draw. It's a, it's a rom com? Or how do you how do you know what to write for the specific scene? Like, what are the logistics of that? Yeah, I mean, it's, it's really like, like, you were saying, the genre, like, everything's all over the place, and the style of the film and the director, it's all over, I would say, like, you know, I get really attracted to stories over like, what type of story it is, and usually, you know, a film director will come to me, and, you know, either they've heard some of my work, or I'll send them some of my work if I'd want really want to work with them. And, and we see if it's the right match, you know, totally artistically if I have the style that they're envisioning. And then like, you know, it just, you know, it's like, you take in a story, like, almost like my story, it's very similar to like my story through breast cancer, I'll look at a film and say, What's the story? And how do I, you know, how do I bring this to life and support it? And, and, you know, it's a lot of, you know, really, like letting yourself sink into this film. And really, you know, you got to be open, but you're also a little bit, you know, you're stuck in time, and film. So you have to, like write music that is like to picture, and there are restrictions. But sometimes those restrictions create really cool things, you know, cool. I've never actually really thought about that. So do they do? Do they send you the film without all the sound effects included? And let you actually watch that first, or you read the screenplay. First. And a little bit of both, you know, I the process is different with every film, like sometimes I'll get the script, which I really love being involved in that process, because I'm just kind of envision envisioning things and it's so fun to finally see that picture. But I like to work with the strip the script, just to get somatic ideas going. Before anything is set in stone. Yeah. And, and then I'll get the actual cut of the film. And the film usually has like some temp sound effects, or, but at least the obviously the dialogue and, and sometimes we'll even have tempo music, you know, because a lot of editors like to edit films with music. And, and so which, you know, composers are like tempo music, it's kind of, you know, a good thing or a bad thing, because you kind of get influenced by it a little bit, you know, say, you don't necessarily want to do that when you say temp music mean, like temporary temporary sounds. Exactly. You know, it won't be there. But that that could color you're right, full whole thing. And like, Yeah, almost like if you could start with the silent one, it may be be easier. Yeah, it's like open and you can really kind of discover your own sounds and maybe you watch it film silently. Yes, I do. So that's a lot of it. Like, you know, I just even if there's tempo, I'll just put the whole film silently with just dialogue and, you know, really kind of map out what the arc of the story is. And, you know, what I'm basically doing is, you know, when that they're actors are bringing an element, a huge element of the emotion. And what I'm doing is just amplifying that in areas, you know, where it needs it, you know, or maybe there's no dialogue and there's something that the director is trying to say. So, yeah, it's, it's, I kind of like doing that just to figure out the arc. That is so interesting. I love hearing about this. I like to play music. I'm not nearly as talented as you, but I do really appreciate it. And I love it. And so it's so cool to hear the inner workings of how, how this goes about. So I'm curious what type of level did you take your music theory education too? Did you go to school for this? Or is this coming all from your loving 11 year old? Just yeah, I mean, you know, I really, like worked hard in through high school. I had a really great, bad teacher, but I did go to Berkeley. Wow. And it's my undergrad. Yeah, yeah, I went there for my undergrad and I went to grad school, because they have a program, specifically for film scoring in Spain. And I love Berkeley, it was I knew, you know, this was the school for me, you know, just the contemporary music. And I just, you know, I was doing more pop and rock back in the day. And it just felt like a great, you know, place and, and, you know, they had really great majors like, songwriting, which my mom and dad weren't really sure, like, their thinking degree. But there was a major there that they're pretty big. And that I did not take, which I kind of look at now, like, maybe I'll take some classes there. But for music therapy, and they were one of the few schools that taught that. If not, maybe the only school at the time. Yeah. Wow. That's cool. And that's this, this is the idea of basically using music as a therapeutic tool. So yeah, sound that potentially can help to take someone from a high stress state into a more calm Yeah. And can you explain a little bit because you might use the terminology by Arnall sound when you were creating the sound? Explain that a little bit. But not all beats is something I experienced going to acupuncture that was playing in the background? And I, you know, I had asked my acupuncturist, what is this, I'm, like, so relaxed, like, and she was tell explain it to me, and, and I thought, Oh, this would be great to bring this element and on the album, and basically, usually, you know, you really can hear it with headphones, and you can really, you really should experience it with headphones, but you basically have two different tones. And they, you know, you'll pick two different frequencies and the difference between those frequencies, that magic number, it takes you into a state of mind, that is, you know, either relaxed or, you know, more clear, you know, you can see and hear, hear and see things more clearly. And so it's really the difference between two towns and frequency, gotcha, that have scientifically been proven to, you know, help you get into different states of mind. And I just find that fascinating. So, yeah, are you experiment? It sounds like you were experimenting with blending different tones. And then what just pay attention to how you felt and then just work off that sense felt of what you're hearing to guide you in the writing process? Yeah, it really was. And I think, you know, I think one of the big things from this album was, like, being really aware and listening, you noticed the first track, because if you listen, it's like, you know, it could be just like a simple string. Like, but really listen to how it's vibrating. And, you know, so in a way, like, you know, I wrote, I don't overwrite for this album, which is always a tough thing for composers, because we tend to overwrite, but I just let it sink in. And your was very intentional, kind of with the different notes, and just, you know, really trying to be simple and just let your mind have the space. You know, while you're listening to it. So cool. Do you do you have a process of I recently, I love jazz, but I don't know a lot about jazz. And so I've started diving in a little more into listening and, and attempting to see what type of visual imagery comes just from listening. And I often wonder if like, say, the saxophonist or pianist is almost trying to talk through the instrument and tell a story through the notation. And do you do you do that? Do you? Do you interact with music in that way where you're where you just try to hear it from a different place versus the analytical mind? Sounds like you do? Of course, of course. Well, the howling kinda like, you know, it's just kind of this like, free flow, you know, improvisational stuff. You know, a lot of the melodies on the album, they just were first takes of what came out. Yeah. And that's something you know, that I, you know, hadn't really experienced before. It's almost like just improv Having him playing a live show. And, you know, but as a composer saying, okay, that's the composition. That was really cool for me because I don't come from the jazz world. And and I love that about jazz and I love that, you know, when, you know, you can just come out and make the statement with your instrument. And that's it. That's the composition and, and yeah, yeah, when you were in school, did you have this idea in your head? I would like to be a film score musician, or were you going to school thinking, I want to be a rock star? I want to be like a famous musician that tours. And then it turned into what would have been actually I need to make money? Or how did your musical career develop? Post Graduation? Yeah, like, everything great. I feel like, all these unexpected things happen to me and life. And none of it was really pretty. You know, like, I mean, like, you know, I wanted to be a songwriter, you know, I was like, I knew I wanted to write songs, I knew that what I did, and how to make money that way was always like, Oh, I don't know, you know, I guess I have to be a rock star, I guess I have to, like, you know, have a fan base, do all that and go on tour. And I did that, you know, and I, you know, I went on tour, and I, you know, but then like, you know, things happen, things shift, you know, I might lost my mom, that was a really tough thing for me in my life. And, you know, stuff happens that you just throws you off your course. And and then you know, that I met Sandra Bernhard. And that was a really pivotal moment for me, someone who I've always, you know, had admired and just a big fan of, and to be able to rock out with her at South by Southwest where I met her was incredible. And, you know, that was a turning point for me of getting into film scores, actually, now I can see it now looking back, because, you know, I began touring with her and music directing for her. And that was the first time like, have like, experienced music through someone else's story. And really just saying, this is storytelling, you know, whether it's my story, her story, and the music is, you know, supporting that and like, are being a part of telling that story. And, and then, like, I started, like, just getting into film scores just naturally, like, you know, it just kind of all started happening at the same time in LA. And I just really fell in love with it. And then when I learned the process of it, I fell in love with it. I think for songwriters and musicians, music on film, and TV has been a way to make money. Because, you know, album sales or don't work, how they used to back in the day, you know, so it became a very sustainable thing for musicians. And I think that's helped keep me here, too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. That's so cool. Do you live in LA? I do. Yeah. Where did you grow up? I grew up in Massachusetts, actually. Springfield area, Western Mass and nice. Was your move to the West Coast when you went to Berkeley? No. So Berkeley is actually in Boston. And I there because there is a Berkeley here. That is not a music school. Yeah, we're sense. It's funny because I know someone here who's a musician, and she said that she went to Berkeley and I was thinking I knew she was from the northeast. So but then when you said Berkeley My mind went to San Francisco. Yeah, reason I apologize. Well, thank you for clarifying that. That's a I see other Berkeley's so when was When was your move to Los Angeles? It was very gradual, because I moved to Austin, Texas first. And was did that see it? And that's where I met up with Sandra and all that South by Southwest. Yeah. And then I moved to you know, in 2012 I moved out here and I you know, it was a little tricky to get into the vibes of La first you know, having been you know, I was Boston New York, Austin, I've always been on the move you know, but I love it now I've grown to really love it. And you know, I love the sunshine as maybe you can relate to to you know, like I've never heard that before it's going I like it yeah, we need some fun shine in life for sure. Right? Yeah, everyone flocks here to Florida this time of the year because it's so brutal up up north right now with the swarms are still coming in apparently. So. I hear you we get spoiled. Build. I know Yeah, that's cool. I, my wife and I also had lived in San Diego and I would go to LA a lot. And you're right, the weather is spectacular. It is pretty chilly. Yeah, yeah, I hear ya. So with your, with your album now what, what type of process happens in relation to do people ask you to perform live, the type of music that you created as this is the type of music you created not possible to recreate in a live setting because of the amount of different textures. Yeah. And actually, I performed a couple of shows this year, I did a release party. And then I did a show, you know, that was closer, you know, after I got nominated for Grammy, I did a shout out here at the hotel cafe. And you know, it's different. And, and I love performing. It's a very stripped down version of me on piano and my voice. And usually I'll have like a violinist with me. And it's like, it's very stripped out. And I actually really love it. Because it's, it's you could hear, like, the fundamental parts of these songs. And it's very, like, kind of how, where it started, you know, and so I feel like, you know, they've been really fun shows, because, you know, they're just in my vocals just get to go all over and really kind of improvise to so the space, I lean into the space that the album has. And, and, you know, and I'm trying to grow off that, you know, I've been myself going to sound offs out here. And, and so I'm working a project I'm working on as developing a show that's, you know, kind of in between a live show to venue, but also get you into kind of this meditative space. Yeah, well, it's a great idea. Yeah. You know, I love like trying new things. So I think it'll, it'll be fine. Yeah, so cool. You know, the sound thing. I when I first got introduced, I just wasn't sure what to expect. And my wife and I have a studio, where we're always looking to host people and bring new things in. And I didn't want to say I was skeptical, but I just thought, oh, you know, some will be playing bowls, and will lay on the floor, or people gonna like that. But since the first one, I'm surprised at how much people love it and how much I love it. It's really nice. I'd love to hear what your creative thoughts are in relation to creating an experience for people in that sort of setting. If you were to create a sound bath like experience, would you ask people to either lie down on the floor or sit on the floor meditation? Are you thinking a little more like a theater like setting where people are sitting comfortably in like a classic seated chair situation? You're on a stage or what what kind of thoughts have you had in relation to creating that type of experience? Yeah, you know, I have thought about it kinda, you know, go in from both extremes of, you know, between a live show and found out that it's having people still be at a venue where they are, you know, sitting, but you know, it's still a quiet space, you know, not like a bar or anything like that, obviously, yeah, but, but like, also, you know, just a place where, you know, you can just close your eyes, and, you know, you just listen to the vibrations and be in this place where, you know, you're just taking in and, and letting yourself be by yourself even though you're in a group of people and, and so I kind of just want to have like, you know, acoustic instruments, nothing really amplified. You know, maybe like my voice you know, but, but very minimal amplification, I think, you know, just hearing those being in a space that's small enough where the acoustics are, you know, really right braiding and resonating through the room naturally without you know, having amplification I think would be Yeah, that sounds cool. Have you been being in LA you have a lot of yoga studios around you. Have you ever tried a yoga class? I have tried a soy yoke has been something very hard for me but I'm trying a little by little my partner loves it. So she has together we've been you know, just doing stuff at home she'll pull me in at home on videos and stuff like that. And and I'm really I'm pushing myself to do it because I know the benefits are amazing and every single doctor has told me do it. So be good for your stress. Do this. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think is holding you back? I'm curious. You know, it's that I did a class out here actually called Five rhythms. And I think it's the trauma right now for me, it very much feels like I need to move, you know? Yeah, like that's, that's staying still physically it's really hard. So it I, I feel like I'm, you know, just started a boxing class. So just a perspective of where I am. Understood, that's so cool. I mean, I think that's so smart, you have to do that, right? Just because somebody says, This is good for you. If it's not resonating, you got to figure out what's good for you. Yeah, my goal is to get there and get that you know, and work out these knots in my stomach. And I know, it'll be very beneficial. For me, when you record when you reference trauma, are you referencing the experience of going through the cancer diagnosis and treatment? Are you referencing other elements that have occurred in your life? Yeah, I think that but I think also, like grief, you know, has been really hard. You know, I lost my mom, when I was 25. And I really struggled with that, you know, like, she passed in a car accident was very sudden, I'm so sorry, for your loss. Yeah. You know, and, and it was just so hard, you know, like, I think, you know, through the years getting over that, and, you know, and grief has always been really hard for me to process, you know, and, and, you know, of course, it's it happens, you know, we lose people in our lives and just been able to grapple with that. You know, and, you know, there's so many triggers that we have, like, and so coping is a thing, you know, either we, you know, learn the skills to cope, as is hard. And I think that is something that I look to for music, but also with, you know, potentially yoga, I think, or, you know, working out it really just, you know, yes, space to kind of work that out. Yeah, I hear Yeah. Do you feel like our country is making steps forward to be more supportive, inclusive, and also in the realm of the LGBTQ family? Do you feel like we're making strides? Do you feel like we're in the same spot? We were a long time ago? What are your thoughts? on that? I think, you know, it's, I think it's a thing where we take a few steps forward, we take a step back, you know, it's, you know, but I do think we are moving forward. I mean, I, I, last year did a project for Disney, about a young girl coming out to her parents, and I'm like, I definitely did not have that growing up. So if you look at the big picture, I think we're doing better I'm noticing, you know, kids being able to, you know, express themselves and or, you know, or at least, you know, have that conversation with their parents more, you know, but it's definitely not all there. You know, I think, you know, I think it's, you know, I'd like to think that as we move forward, it is getting better, because I know, personally, I have to hold on to the positivity of what's happening. If I, you know, just drowned in the negative stuff. It's, you know, yeah, you got to kind of stay in the positive activity, but also say, there's still more work to be done, you know? Yeah. Of course. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Were you able to have that conversation with your mom before? She was us? Yeah. And, you know, that's one of the things that I've been working out. I do think, you know, in the end, I do think we would have worked through it and worked it out. I mean, that's how close we were I knew, you know, she was she grew up Catholic, and you know, and it went a bit hard at first and, but I do think we would have worked through it. And I just watched a film actually about this that blew me away called all of us strangers, haven't seen that. It's a you know, it's actually this conversation. It's exactly that and I have a spike in movie with so moving. Yeah. But you know, those conversations that you don't get to have with someone who passed and, you know, as you grow up, and not, you know, I'm getting older, and I'm coming towards the age of my mom when she passed, you know, and that's like, I hear. I know, there's just no way to prepare for losing a parent. It's just not everybody told me about it. And then when it happened to me, too, I was like, and then years go by and you're still gone. I'm still processing this. I'm still trying to come to terms with this. It's incredible, isn't it? Yeah, we really, we hear about how parents So outlive their children. How terribly difficult that is for them to write, like, I hope I don't ever have to experience you know, I hope that's not an issue. But it's amazing when you once you go, once you have enough people tell you get ready for this event in your life, you don't really fully comprehend it, then the event happens. And then you go, Oh my gosh, I really couldn't hear what they were saying. Then you hear somebody else say to you get ready for this really big event in your life. And now you go, Oh, yeah, get ready for this, because that last one was so intense. What can I do, but I know there's no way to fully prepare them and just like take care of ourselves and just be as like, you know, honest and truthful and ready for anything and breathe and try to like, keep our anxieties at, you know, in a place where, yeah, I know. I mean, for me, like, this sudden shock of losing, you know, when someone dies suddenly like that, and then, you know, having gone through kids or with a bed, you know, the slow, yo, yeah, kind of slow thing. Just mind it. My mind plays tricks on me going through that. And not always being afraid of like, when someone calls me at, like, you know, if a family member calls me late at night, it's not bad. All the time, in our point, the first reaction of like, oh, gosh, it's gonna be something horrible. You're right, that is that reliving of that, that phone call that you did get? Yeah, good point. On the flip side, though, just to know, please, because we were talking about cancer. I live in that, you know, 95% survival chance mentality or whatever that I have. Because you could something could crap crazily happen. That's like, right, there's always the chance, 5% chance or whatever, that, you know, you know, I could wake up and you know, something, get hit by, or something horrible. You know, you just don't know. And so, I hear ya, man. Well, I like the I will, first of all, thank you for your honesty. And I really appreciate just, I just feel so thankful to have a chance to, to meet you and to, you know, I love that we're just meeting and that you feel comfortable to be so honest. So thank you, that means a lot to me. And I really love how this album came to be like, it just seems like you really put your whole heart into there. And clearly the people that judge the entrance into the sort of competitions, thought the same thing too. And listening to in listening to it, it's definitely palpable, that something's going on. So it's a very broad array of soundscape. And how cool, that's so cool that you just threw your heart in there. Because any as any storyteller, I think any storyteller, you have to be bold enough to put your story out there. And it's kind of a little intimidating sometimes because of judgment and like, yeah, that stuff. How have you? How have you? What gave you that drive to be willing to do that? Was there? Did you ever have that challenge of feeling comfortable enough to just say, I'm willing to put myself out there? Yeah, I think it's a great question. It's mentally, like, I think I evolved through this process of the Grammys, because, you know, when I first you know, even released the album, or thought about releasing it, I didn't want to tell anybody that I had cancer, I just, I didn't even want to talk about it, like even talking about it with close friends would trigger me, you know, at that point. And it just kind of, it's just momentum, it the momentum of it released again, and people like, you know, colleagues, music colleagues reaching out and saying, I heard your album like, you know, I actually, you know, I had a really horrible experience, you know, and this has been really helpful, you know, and they'd be like, if you feel comfortable, I'm curious what you went through. And, or they would tell me, they went through cancer and then it would like, open me up to be able to share so very much reciprocal the people listening, like, you know, it's, it's that energy like, you know, it's, it's circulating. Yeah. So it's healing me like the people listening to it and talking to me about it as healing me and as well. How that's amazing Carla. That's pretty cool. Yeah, just it's cool being open, being open to it. It's it's something, you know, you get hurt. But you know, it's, I don't know you there's something when you go through something life changing like this or That's so scary that, you know, you all of a sudden are open, there's this openness that you can. Yeah, just put it out there. Yeah. That's great advice for anybody who's listening, that's going through a life threatening illness, when you meet, say, you meet somebody at a party or an engagement of sorts, and they say, Yeah, I had breast cancer, or I'm going through a terminal diagnosis, potential terminal diagnosis. What's your first response? It? Maybe you have to imagine it, but what what would your first response be? To hug them? They, you know, I was here, you know, and, you know, and just, you know, be there for them. You know, I, during my journey, I can't like, I don't remember all the people's names, or I didn't even know people's names, the random people that would help me like the nurse that I had for five minutes, who would give me that hug, or, you know, make me feel better? There's so many people that I want to thank that I, you know, that I don't even know, you know, you know, that knew I knew briefly it's, yeah, we're connected. And this way, you know, nice, amazing, you know, I really, value music. I was born in the 70s. So I went to record stores and flip through and love the entire experience of the artwork, the going into a store, the feeling of looking through albums, and having other people walk in and just, you know, people watching while you're looking at albums and everything about it. So I do go into record stores, and I purchased vinyl because I want to support artists. What can I do to get you to press your album on the vinyl? And if you ever do, will you send me a signed copy? That I will send you a signed copy? Because I did press it until finally you did? Yeah. Amazing. I will. Yeah, I'll be sure to send you that. My gosh, Carla. That's so yeah, I really wanted to do it with this album. Because you know, I do think I live sound. That'd be a perfect vinyl album. Yeah. Because of the texture like you said. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. So you already did yeah. You already pressed I already did it. I did I did I pressed I pressed a small batch but I still have copies. So you will get one and how many batches, how many how I just did like a like 100 batches. You know? And I actually am going to do I got a great response from it. So I think I love that because, you know, I don't get to press vinyl all the time. You know, it's one of those things that I was like, let me try it out. And and I did like think you know, it's not right for every album you know, because sometimes you get like really like new recordings today that are mastered in a way that the album even just skips off the can't even play you know, properly on the record player. So is that because of a lack of skill in the mastering process? Because you have mastered for something different than you know a different medium? Yeah, got it. You know? Cool that gives me an idea Yeah, I have actually have a record store right next to our yoga studio. I couldn't cool I couldn't believe it when I saw the sign saying I'm gonna sell records I thought Why am I in the twilight zone right now because I had no vinyl at all given it all away from back in the 90s or whatever. And I thought oh my gosh, a record store. I'm buying a record player and now all my money goes into that. But I'm I'm I maybe I could even get a couple of copies from me and try to Yeah, LM for you. That will be awesome, really cool. I feel you know, I really want like these records to like I want people to to go not not to say the right hands but I want people to listen to it and experience it. And I think you know, I had to love those moments of going through record stores and this album is very much an album that I think you know you listen to from start to finish to really feel the benefit of it. Yeah, and I think what you know records are that platform, you know, man I agree. I know. Yeah, that's a whole story that's being told yesterday so yeah, you gotta go from start to finish Yeah, versus the like, Oh, listen to three minutes of that song. Don't like it hit the next track. Yeah, like we don't Given enough time anymore, you gotta like, you gotta You gotta listen to it over and over and over. Yeah, I know. Yeah. So well, do you ever come to Florida? I want to I want to host you here. Yeah, I have family that's out there. So I am planning. I will walk out. We're out there. I'm trying to think where where she where she is. The floor just moved there. And yeah, I feel like maybe close to Fort Lauderdale. Maybe? I don't know. Okay. Well, we're really close to Fort Lauderdale. So please, please, please let me know. Please don't hesitate. Don't feel like I'm not I don't want to bother this person or something. Please let me know. I'd love that. And I feel like I'd love to get to know more about you. We talked all about me. Well, this is all about you. So that's that's the purpose of this. Oh, man. Well, Carla, I've thoroughly enjoyed this. I was so looking forward to it. I was completely honored to have this opportunity. I've never had a chance to speak to an LA musician that's actually doing it for real and so so I really I thank you and I can't wait for to hear feedback. Everyone listening send us an A note an email. All of Carla's links are in the description. Everyone has listening music devices like Spotify and title and all those different places. So you can listen to it right now. I'll have the link. Just click on it. Definitely go listen. Cool. Is there anything else? Carla before we close that you'd like to add as? I mean, you've given us plenty of inspiration and motivation here. So you don't have to say anything more. But I'm curious if there's anything else that you would like to I mean, embrace the weekend. Do some fun shine. We got some great fun shine going here. What about what's the weather like? Right now? It's April. What's today's date? April. Hey, you know, we've had our little la winter. But I'm it's great for me being in New England person. So yeah, I'll take anything. There's nothing scare me off after living in Boston for a while. Right. Oh my gosh. That's cool. Well, thank you, Carla. I will have a good weekend. I am looking forward to it. And I will stay in touch and thank you so much. Thank you. Please do Thank you. Native yoga taught cast is produced by myself. The theme music is dreamed up by Bryce Allen. If you liked this show, let me know if there's room for improvement. I want to hear that too. We are curious to know what you think and what you want more of what I can improve. And if you have ideas for future guests or topics, please send us your thoughts to info at Native yoga center. You can find us at Native yoga center.com. And hey, if you did like this episode, share it with your friends, rate it and review and join us next time